[OOC: away for weekend, doing all sorts of family/estate/nostalic activities of non-fun and etc. may not have internet access. probably will not have time, even if i do. so, yeah, catchup is a (side)dish best served cold, late sunday/early monday and with a nice plate of french fries. the end.]

Current Mood: busy

( What is good and what is evil? )

Current Mood: contemplative

Life has been... difficult, lately. Complicated. Confusing. Not knowing who, or what, you are tends to do that to a girl. Anyway, I've been thinking too much and asking myself far too many questions, and I've come to the seemingly inevitable conclusion that, in the end, I've stopped caring what people think of me.

Or maybe I care too much.

It's hard to tell. Anyway. Mostly, I've been feeling more and more helpless, more and more used and much more angry. Confusion turns to blind fury quite easily, it seems.

(  Would you live forever, if you had the choice? )

( What's more important- self preservation or forgiveness? )

Current Mood: bitchy

( The world will end tomorrow. What do you do today? )

( How do you view commitment? )

Current Mood: contemplative

[the mun says: not dead, just broken. but i'm better now.

or: RL went topsy-turvy and then my brain stopped working for a while, which lead to other things, and etceteras of all varieties. but now i'm back, and ready to play. for real, this time, as last time was such a messy lack of, well, anything actually happening.

end of message. back to that place i go.]

Current Mood: anxious

What would your life be, if it were a movie? Comedy, horror, drama sci-fi? And who would play you?

A farce. One of those movies where everything that possibly can go wrong, does, and the main character keeps getting the shit pounded out of her and the audience just sits there, laughing hysterically. And I'm sure they'd find some twit weathergirl from ISN- you know, one of those "I always wanted to be a serious actress" bimbos- to play me.

Not that I'm bitter. Just... righteously indignant.

Current Mood: bitchy

[a note from the mun: or, an excuse-type thing. mainly, this is to say that, if you've commented in the last day or two or will comment over the weekend or are commenting right this second, i will be unable to respond until, say, late sunday night or early monday morning (depending on definition, time zones, etc.). a migraine yesterday, meetings and corporate big-wigs at work today, three stories to finish tonight, and a weekend of fun-filled (ooh, a first communion! aah, a crew meet! ooh, fighting over knick-knacks and knitting needles!) family obligations will keep me offline until then. so, yes, not ignoring so much as running around like a chicken with its yadda yadda you get the picture.

catch you on the flip-side, yo.]

Current Mood: busy

The short answer: I don't know.

I've put alot of thought into this, and, somehow, I can't quite come up with a satisfactory answer. I mean, I'm a teep. It doesn't matter if I'm on Earth, Centauri Prime, or even Babylon 5; someone's always going to be afraid of me. Someone's always going to hate me. And I've mostly adjusted to that fact. Mostly accepted that, yes, I'm different, and people don't like what they don't understand. And I'm not even going to get into why the Psi Corps isn't the place for me, not today, at any rate. So I'm left with "I don't know."

Maybe that's why I'm here, on Babylon 5. Because, in the end, it's the closest thing I have to a home. Even if I'm not quite sure what that means, most of the time; because, maybe, I need to discover who I am, really, without the Corps, without Kosh, without a myriad of other things with which to define myself, before I can discover where I belong.

Current Mood: contemplative

Apparently, all this travel is taking more of a toll on me than I could've ever expected. The minute, no the second, I entered my quarters, I dumped my bags on the floor and proceeded to sleep for what feels like days; hell, maybe it has been. All I know is, I used to be able to travel across the known galaxy and back again and still have the energy to, I don't know, run a marathon or something.

Maybe all of the stress of the past few years has finally caught up to me in the most spectacular fashion. I don't know; maybe I'm just getting old. Hopefully, I'll be back to nor- myself again, soon.

Current Mood: tired

"Who are you?" the Vorlon like to ask. So: who am I?

My name is Lyta Alexander. I am a telepath, a conduit, a sentient being. I am female. I sometimes fear what I've become; I fear that in choosing to become more, in allowing myself to become modified, I've become less. When I look in a mirror, these days, it's a stranger that peers back at me.

I'm still trying to work out the rest of it.

What better place for that, really, than back on Babylon 5?

Current Mood: confused